Dealing with rude members!

[parentingdiscussions]

Having a forum can be a rewarding job, and sometimes it really can get to you. I hate the thought of banning someone from my site, but just yesterday I ran into a member who was just outright crazy, and I should have saw this coming long before it all happend. I also should have taken the advice of one of my good friends to bann this person in the beginng.

How do you get past the guilt of banning someone?

[Crip]

If a ban is indeed needed, I feel No guilt @ all..just me..

[RoarinRow]

Another option would be to give them a warning.  I believe there was a SMF modification for that.  There were 4 levels of warning that you could give someone before banning them completely.  The first one mutes them so they can see all posts, but not reply.  Then the others I believe had time limits on them, like they could not post for x amount of days, then finally banishment.

[Crip]

Seems like there was a SMF warning mod also for members

[parentingdiscussions]

Another option would be to give them a warning.  I believe there was a SMF modification for that.  There were 4 levels of warning that you could give someone before banning them completely.  The first one mutes them so they can see all posts, but not reply.  Then the others I believe had time limits on them, like they could not post for x amount of days, then finally banishment.

I have always thought in my mind that talking things through is always the best way to deal with a problem, but sometimes you can’t even reason with someone who is just out to destroy something good. The member I had to ban was not someone I really knew at all, and to be honest they really never hardly posted anything. It all had to do with an attack on one of my administrators who in my eyes is a really close and dear friend to me, and right now I feel that it is possible that my good friend has got wind of the situation and did what she had to do, and I just cannot now get a hold of her at all. This all happened after this person attacked this member.

I am not totally sure, but to ban someone has an effect on me deeply, because I just am not that kind of person to want to hurt any ones feelings, even if I do put my foot in my mouth a number of times. I created a site in which people can come together and discuss issues about being parents, I did not create a site in which people can come in freely and attack someone for now apparent reason, this is where I have to draw the line in my forum, and no matter how much I hate to do it, I also have to not only protect my friends and members, I also have to respect what others are seeing. To make a judgment on weather or not to banned someone is solely on my shoulders, neither my mods or other administrators have that right, they can use the temp banned until I can look things over, but other then that I try to work out the problems.

Sometimes, people are just trouble makers, plan and simple, and their only there to cause problems with others. You can sometimes spot this person when the time comes, but needless to say sometimes it is too late and the damage has been done. The way I see it, it is better to just to stay out of an argument until both parties are finished yelling and screaming, but when you attack the administrators, that is a different story. This can not be tolerated at all, and you cannot play favorites with any member. You have to be able to take both sides and no sides and deal with it the best that you can. But this still bums me out, and I don’t think it is really fair, not only for me, but for the person who I had to banned. 

[RoarinRow]

When I first set up my site one of the first things I did was to create a thread on 'Handling Disputes'.  Since people are very passionate about their trucks, I knew disagreements would happen sooner or later so I tried to set the expectations with this post:

As our site continues to grow I expect to see some misunderstandings in communication, tone, response to sensitive topics etc.

Here is how I recommend members resolve their issues:

1.  Relax and take a deep breath.
2.  PM the member in question and ask for clarification.  Public humiliation is not honorable if you ask me.
3.  If members can not resolve themselves, then PM Administrator for resolution.
4.  All issues should be resolved off-line, not in the forums.  Exchange numbers if you have to.

As I alluded to in my Welcome thread, I respect the rights of others and we expect the same in return.  Here's the reminder - Future Plans.

Avalanche Style Adminstrator

So far (knock on wood), everyone has been respectful with their disagreements.

[akulion]

when i ban someone i just tell them a valid reason that i dont approve of their behavior

and if there is "picket fencing" like there was recently - I just made 2 warnings that this topic is closed for discussion and threads with it will be deleted - they didnt stop i just banned all the ones who were doing it

later on however they emailed me said they are sorry so i let them on except the member who was originally banned

How to get over the guilt?

Simply its my forum on my webspace which i pay for and all the materials on the site are made by me, so quite frankly if someone cant behave - adios amigos

members participation is appretiated but they must also remember this is someones hard work due to which they are able to do the things they can on the site

[Xarcell]

You shouldn't feel guilty about banning someone.

Look at it this way: your protecting your other members by doing so.

[anunlike]

The way I look at it, if I ban someone, they needed to be banned.

I can't feel bad about that.

[redone]

If they need banning they generally deserve it. The internet can be a strange place sometimes and why someone would want to come to a forum and start trouble confuses me! If you feel they are worth banning then don't worry about it.

Why spoil the fun and use all your other members get out of your forum just for one crazy moron?