Getting rid of the trash!

[parentingdiscussions]

As most of you know I am not such a bad guy, and yes I do tend to put my foot in my mouth more then once, but I really need some really good advice and maybe some advice might change the whole way I look at the net.

I have a real trouble maker that is totally making a donkey of them; this person is so bent on making my life so bad that you guys would be totally shocked at what this person has done. And the buck doesn’t stop there, if you think that banning a person from your site will work, think again! If the person is obsessed enough they will change their IP address over and over again, just to get information to throw at you.

Here in Michigan we have a website that is called Mlive.com, and some few years ago, I ran across one of the areas of this site that had a parenting thread. I clicked on that and found that not many people were posting in there at all, and I really liked the idea of talking with other parents, because at that time I was still raising my daughter on my own, so I looked forward to advice, so I started to post simple topics in there. Well after I while I started to see people showing up, and making comments to my post and soon more and more people started showing up, then came this person called Brenda, and that person hated me from day one and started calling people names and was always being so negative towards other people’s views and comments, and soon the people that were enjoying the site, started going somewhere else.

I really loved talking with these people, and loved it so much that I wanted to keep that group going, and so I created my first parenting site with MSN groups and made sure that any one that applied to view the site would have to go through us in our group, and you never will guess who showed up? Yep Brenda, so what happened? Well a few of us talked it over and didn’t want her trouble in our site, so we denied her request, and that my friends is when all hell broke loose, and she/he started to really get down on me. Now you would think that after three years this person would have let it go, but if you were to view the things that this person says about me in these forum you all would be shocked, and now he/she is starting to bring other problems to the people that we love in this site, and I am sure we all know who this person might be.

Now if you think that is bad, then you need to hear what else this person has stated in that site. One they said they know where my daughter goes to school and once described what she was wearing and that she was carrying her Saxophone and this person described the contents of my home by looking thru my windows, and even went as far as to say they were going to poison my cats. This person has not stopped at all, and when I found out that this person was lurking around in my site I banned this person from my site, but it doesn’t stop there.

After I had designed my daughter website and made it perfectly clear that no adults were allowed in her site, I found out that this person had changed their IP address, and was posing as a child in my daughters site, but never ever posted any topics at all, this person was just lurking around trying to collect information to use in that other site. So then I banned that IP address, from my site and my daughter’s site, and then this person followed me into another site, of one of our members here, and is still collecting information to use, and now they have to be on the watch out for this nut.

Now you might think that there is something that can be done about this person, but to put it bluntly, the local police won’t touch it, the State Police are having a hard time doing anything unless this person physically touches me or my daughter, and then I contacted the FBI, and they are looking into the problem. I contact the site administrators for mlive.com a number of times, and also contacted this person internet provider, and they don’t do anything. Now I have been told that I should just delete my sites, and leave well enough alone and give up on my projects, but I say heck no! I worked to hard to get it to where it belongs.

Now I ask you guys, how would you handle this issue? Before you answer, just think about this. This person has been to my house, has been to my daughters school, and has brought up very personal information about me within a local site, but here is the kicker, if you were to really take a hard long look at that site, this person mainly talks to themselves, because everyone who is in that site, who post topics, there is only maybe 4 people, but what gets me is how long is this person going to keep going?

Sorry for the long winded story, but I needed to blow some steam in some direction?
I would just like to know how you would put a stop to this persons actions?
IS there any hope for peace?

[Techdomain]

Ouch - that seems quite extrodinary. I am sure its tempting to pull the plug on the net altogether, but that would let this "brenda" win, and at any rate, it doesnt sound like she (assuming its a she) will stop even if it is taken off the net!

[IchBin]

Anyone who threatens my family in any way is definately taken seriously. If the police/FBI can't do anything about it, then I take matters into my own hands. I have some pretty serious personal connection with some "crazy people" lol that I wouldn't hesitate to ask favors of in a family situation such as this. If you know who this person is, their real name, and where they live I would pay them a visit. Go over their with a couple of friends and talk to this person and hash it out. I'm not saying you need to threaten them, but make it more of a personal thing. People are real tough over the internet. But once they are confronted they will most surely back down. I've seen this on more than one occasion. Most of you think I'm probably crazy for thinking this, but thats just the way I am. Deal with it, and get it over with face to face. Of course, if you're not in the same state then thats pretty much not a feasable idea.

I wouldn't shut down anything by any means. Also, I'd like to point out that if a person is on DSL then IP's can change automatically without them even knowing. Which is why its better to ban by hostname then. This person really has some mental problems if they're stalking you that much.

[JPDeni]

This is stalking, by the legal definition, and in most states is a felony. If you can't get satisfaction from one person in an agency, go to another one -- either another person or another agency. Talk to your state legislature representives or federal congresscritter. Then, if you run out of people to talk to, go back and talk to the other ones again.  Make a huge noise.

I am friends with the mother of Rebecca Schaeffer, the young actress who was murdered by a stalker. This is something I take extremely seriously.

[PhilH]

Robert, I can appreciate your need to vent in a safe place but I would counsel you to keep your plans and actions relatively private. Our society has a tendency to protect the criminal before the victim and you and your family are certainly victims. IchBin is correct, don't shut down a thing, doing so would only perpetuate the victim position. Personally, I would confront this person in person, in private, with at least one thug witness of your choice. When you are done with that pay your legislators a visit and ask them what they are going to do to help you and the thousands of others that are in similar circumstances.

[akulion]

I can empathize with you man, since my wife has a problem with her ex and his new fiancee stalking her and asking one too many questions via our forum. In our case a simple ban took care of it, but it still continues in real life unfortunately. But yours sounds very serious. If these people are threatening to poison your cat and all that then its something you should report to the police if possible. Maybe they can help you out in someway?

I dont really know what else you could do apart from confronting the person if at all possible. Because your daughter is involved too so you must do something definately!

[parentingdiscussions]

I just went today to speak with the lawyer whom is looking into this issue, and like she said, even though the laws have been in place for many years, not many law enforcement agencies know how to handle this issue at all. I know this is really hard to believe but like this lawyer told me, things are changing fast in the internet world, and people should really take notice of the laws and rules.

You know, last night while laying in bed, I thought to myself, what in the heck did I do to get this person I don’t know to be that made and that willing to keep bothering me like they do? My lawyer said, maybe it is a person that is extremely jealous that I am a man that is trying to build a parenting site, which I find it hard to believe because of all the parenting sites out there on the net.

I have thought about giving up on this project, but wouldn’t that be kind of foolish to do so? God, if you knew all the hard work that just went into getting it up and running and the time that I have spent planning and making sure that everything was in place, is just another area that would make it foolish to give up. One of my friends asked me just the other night, â€Ã...“Are you scared of this personâ€Ã,? I replied, â€Ã...“Not really, but I do know one thing, let me catch this person on my property one time, or let me catch this person at my daughter school one time, and you can bet, talking will not be what I will be doing regardless if it is a woman or man.

This person states in many comments in that forum that they know that every member in my forum is me, that I made up all those names to get attention, which is not true at all. First off there is no way that this person knows my IP address, and even if they did there is no way that they would know anyone’s IP address within my forum or who views my website at all. The state police is watching my sites very closely, and they have access to my stats, to follow how many times this person tries to enter my sites. The sad part about the state police being involved is that they can’t do anything until they have a physical confrontation by this person meaning that this person must approach me in some way.

By the way, there is something pretty interesting that the lawyer did say. With all the letters that I had sent to Mlive.com requesting that they do something about this, and with all the emails and letters that I have sent to the internet providers of this person, nothing had been done at all, which makes her think that it is possible that, there might be a lawsuit out of this, along with criminal charges on the person who is causing the problems. When I said to her, I have been told that no court will touch these cases and they are always thrown out of court, and in her words she told me, that is how things were in the past, but now things are about to change, and more states are starting to enforce those laws more often now.   

[rebelrose]

I feel so bad for your troubles. I will not give up my sites or any activities due to this person.

I will say that my daughters safety is the most important thing in the world to me and there is nothing, NOTHING, that I would not do to protect her.

It sounds as though this person has followed her and be around your home to look inside, well we don't take to kindly to that down South Louisiana, and should that every happen to me, well, lets just say I would be more than happy to give that person a personal tour of the Louisiana Swamp areas.

I sincerely hope the law steps in and gives you and your family peace of mind and put this person behind bars.

Best of luck to you in this.

[Nuked]

As cynical as this may sound, you may find it to benefit you to have (a) security camera(s) installed around your house connected to a vcr or computer to record their feeds.  To my knowledge of the law, if they so much as step foot on your property, and you have told them specifically not to, be it on the internet or not, then they are trespassing and this can be used to deter/prosecute them.  Now, I'm not in your situation, so I cannot say that this would be the best idea, but it is an option at the very least.  By all means, don't try to provoke them into doing anything harmful to you, your children or pets, if you think that's all that will come of it.

[Crip]

I could make a quick call to my friends known only as "(The Wheelchair Mafia)"!!!!  :smiley6600: