This is a transcript of the worlds dummest hacker on an IRC channel. The original can be found here: http://www.jellyslab.com/~bteo/hacker.htm

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

   

Quote
    * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
    * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
    <bitchchecker> why do you kick me
    <bitchchecker> can't you discus normally
    <bitchchecker> answer!
    <Elch> we didn't kick you
    <Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
    <bitchchecker> what ping man
    <bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
    <bitchchecker> i even have dst
    <bitchchecker> you banned me
    <bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
    <HopperHunter|afk> LOL
    <HopperHunter|afk> shit you're stupid, DST^^
    <bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
    <bitchchecker> for two weaks already
    <bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
    <Elch> You're a real computer expert
    <bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
    <Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
    <bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
    <Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
    <Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
    <Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
    <bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
    <Elch> Now I'm frightened
    <bitchchecker> shut up you'll be gone
    <bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
    <bitchchecker> say goodbye
    <Elch> to whom?
    <bitchchecker> to you man
    <bitchchecker> buy buy
    <Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
    * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.




   

Quote* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
    <bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
    <Metanot> lol
    <Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again... I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
    <bitchchecker> you're so stupid man
    <bitchchecker> say buy buy
    <Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
    <bitchchecker> buy buy elch
    * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room... Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve... Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.




 

Quote* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
    <bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
    <Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
    <Elch> What's up bitchchecker?
    <bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
    <bitchchecker> fire wall
    <Elch> maybe, i don't know
    <bitchchecker> i'm 26
    <Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
    <Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
    <Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
    <bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
    <bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
    <Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
    <bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
    <Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
    <Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
    <Metanot> he bitchchecker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
    <bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
    <Metanot> what firewall do you have?
    <bitchchecker> like a girl
    <Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it...you girl^^
    <He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
    <bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
    <Elch> Noo
    <Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
    <bitchchecker> you're afraid
    <bitchchecker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
    <bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
    <Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
    <bitchchecker> shut up
    <Metanot> lol
    <bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
    <bitchchecker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.




   

Quote<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
    <Metanot> bitchhacker can't hack
    <Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
    <bitchchecker> wort man
    <Elch> bitchchecker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
    <Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
    <bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
    <bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
    <Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
    <Elch> 127.0.0.1
    <Elch> it's easy
    <bitchchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
    <bitchchecker> and are the first files being deleted
    <Elch> mom...
    <Elch> i'll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

Quote<bitchchecker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a bitch
    <Elch> that's bad
    <bitchchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
    <Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
    <bitchchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.



   

Quote<bitchchecker> tupac rules
    <bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god... All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted....

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

 

Quote
    <bitchchecker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
    <He> why doesn't meta say anything
    <Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
    <Black<TdV>> ^^
    <bitchchecker> your d: is gone
    <He> go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

 


   

Quote<bitchchecker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
    <bitchchecker> i'm already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

   


 

Quote* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late... It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "bitchchecker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then... must be the Daylight Saving Time.




Lmao i nearly wet myself when i read it!

I've seen that before. It is a good funny read. I can't only imagine having that much fun with a wanna be hacker. lol

 

Really old, i read that conversation about 2 years ago, but it's still very funny reading 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!
LMAO! LMAO!!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLMAOROFLMAO!!!

Omgosh that is freaking funny as hell.

I can't stop laughing!! He deleted his own computer...Omg...so freaking funny...

It was a joke/hoax guys.

It was done back in April of 2005 by the StopHipHop.de site.  It was a funny read however.

Thanks for ruining it for me...

LOL... sorry Jpg.  But hey, you already got your great laugh from it, so it wasn't a total loss. 

As a side note, there have been many such jokes over the years, no doubt spawned on by some real life mirror images of similar occurance. 

I can tell you that I have seen / heard some pretty funny ones in the past.  They are all still funny as hell.  You have to love the fact that we can sit here and laugh at some extremely stupid people sticking their foot in their mouth and how much better it makes us feel about ourselves... hehe

talking about stupid people - in my company once we were overloaded with work so we decided to outsource the marketing of one of our brands (weetabix) to an agency.

They were given 2 weeks to show us their initial ideas.

Now for those of you who dont know about Weetabix, its a breakfast cereal in the shape of large biscuits - its main product is high fibre biscuit type cereal which you put in milk and it dissolves making a somewhat bland tasting mixture (high in fibre)

So we gave them all the materials we had (details, leaflets, old campaign materials, breifs) and product samples.....On every pack of the cereals in one corner it reads "12 Biscuits" (or 24 or 36 depending on size)

After 2 weeks the advertising agency people came to me with ideas about selling Biscuits

And whats even funnier is the spokeswoman says "oh you just have to give us more samples, we love eating them with our evening tea"

and me and my manager are like "huh? evening tea?"

needless to say me and the marketing manager were simply shocked and they didnt get the job